I’ve Been Struggling To Write

Last Saturday, I posted on Instagram that I was going to take a bit of a break to focus on me. I never spoke about what happened. I don’t want to get into the specifics, but essentially someone who I deeply cared for passed away. Every time I’ve gotten on my computer to write since I’ve felt numb and I have not been able to write anything good.

This blog post will be short and simple.

Death is weird and scary, and I don’t know how I am feeling. I am so lost right now, and this being the first time I’ve lost someone close to me I am out of it. It’s an out of body experience and not my experience is so specific that I feel really alone right now. When I write, I touch into what I am feeling and I share it with the world. I write based on my experiences. It’s been hard to write for this reason. 
There are some days when all I want to do is cry and stay in my bed. There are other days when I just want to go out into the world and help people. Going to class the first day after finding out was an uphill battle. It was hard to focus and do the work for them. I felt bad because I wasn’t fully invested in them. I love going to class, I love learning and not being invested in class was so hard for me.

I am still struggling through this. I’ve been struggling to do my course work, sleeping, eating, simple things. It’s hard and I am emotional writing this. I miss this person more than anything and it feels like a never-ending nightmare. Writing is hard because I don’t know how I feel.

To everyone reading this, thank you for taking some time out of your Saturday to do so. I will try to post something next week, but if I don’t then you guys understand.

K DeBois


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