Not going to lie, I am really big on birthdays. I am really big on my birthday too, like I enjoy being told happy birthday and I like receiving the attention. I am honest about it, and when it gets around May 24th, I start the countdown then. The countdown gets serious when it’s July 31st, and the anticipation gets bigger and bigger. As for the reason why, I am so big on my birthday, it’s because I am big on self-improvement and setting goals for the year. Every year as it gets closer to my birthday, I like to think back about my year being whatever age I am at and I like to reflect on it.
If I had to summarize being 19 in one word, I would say it was weird. I had some of my highest highs and some really low lows. There were a lot of stressful moments and a lot of really fun moments. Being 19 was a rollercoaster for me. Everyday brought a new set of stories and I learned a lot about myself this past year. I went through a lot of hard moments, I was challenged a lot, and nothing came easy.
While I was 19, I went through a lot of change. I went through a really long and dragged out move. I cut my hair to be short after it being long my entire life. I lived on a different part of campus compared to where I was freshman year. The people I hung out with changed a lot.
That was the not fun part. It wasn’t fun feeling like I had to jump a new of hurdles every week. This past year of my life, I had to rely on other people for my happiness. I had to confide in people like never before and it was weird doing that. It was weird making friendships with people where I could complain to them about my day and yet they manage to make me laugh and forget about my struggles. I haven’t had that before and it’s the biggest reason as to why being 19 was so weird. I would have the worst day ever turn into a great day because of my friends.
That was the best part about being 19. I made the most amazing friends in the world. I am so grateful for these people. My freshman year of college, I didn’t make solid friendships and less than 5 of them lasted through to my sophomore year of college. I just lost touch with them and in hindsight, they weren’t the strongest. My sophomore year was weird because I basically made a new social circle for myself. I started from ground zero and built up.
I was on campus for my 19th birthday and on that day, I met and became friends with 2 people who I am really good friends with today. In fact, I was grabbing lunch with someone who introduced me to the people who are now the biggest part of my social circle today. It’s actually kind of crazy and amazing.
All of the people I became friends and got closer with during this past year, I genuinely want the best for them and think the world of them. It’s weird because I never thought I would find friendships like the ones I have. These people bring out the best in me, not only that but they inspire me every day to be a better person and student. I love texting them and facetiming them when we’re apart and I love hanging out with them when we’re together. It’s just the best being around them.
I have so many stories that I cannot wait to tell my future family someday because of the friends I’ve made this past year. I have so many moments of laughter and happiness that cannot be replaced. All of these moments are super small, little nothings, but they still mean a lot to me. It emphasizes that it’s the little moments and things that matter. As I go through my twenties, I hope I have moments like the ones I’ve experienced when I was 19.
Turning 20 is crazy in itself, but I hope it’s more consistent than being 19. Even with that, I wouldn’t have traded the experiences I’ve had for anything. I genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason and I’ve become a more mature and aware person now. I want those moments with my friends again when I am 20 and I want more stories. I don’t want a lot of bad days when I am 20, but when I have them I want to have friends to talk about those days too and end on a high note. That happened a lot this past year of my life.
With all of this being said, I do have one goal and that is to not care as much about the stupid things. This past year, I became insecure with Instagram and social media. I felt this need to get the most amount of likes on everything and to have people comment on my posts. It was all I thought about, and it got to the point where I felt actual anxiety over it. That happened frequently and I hated that about myself. I know the amount of likes I have on something is pointless, I know that it doesn’t show any form of friendship, and it’s all for validation. I knew this then too. However, it became so bad that in the beginning of the summer, I decided to delete every social media app, but Snapchat from my phone. My rule was that I could only like things on social media and be active on Facebook. I chose Facebook because I do write for Odyssey and in order for my articles to be shown on peoples’ newsfeeds, I need to be active on Facebook. It’s playing to Facebook’s algorithm, and I want people to read my work. I am not going to text 100 people saying read this, it’s easier for me to post to Facebook. Basically, I did it so I would become un-obsessed with Instagram. I would live life to live my life and not to post on Instagram. I cared too much, and I needed to take a step back from it. It’s because of this experience that makes want to not care as much about the stupid things. It created a lot of unnecessary stress and I do not want that this upcoming year of my life.
To be blunt, I only re-downloaded the apps on my phone when I went back to college because I do use social media as a way to keep in touch with people. It’s hard to text people all of the time and to tell them what I am up too all of the time. It’s unrealistic too. Plus, I wanted to promote this blog on all of my social media. I want this blog to be successful, I just can’t have it be my main focus. No matter what, I am still going to keep this up as long as it makes me happy. Writing is my outlet and sharing that with the world is really cool. Also, having this to look back too when I do have kids will be fun. I want to share my stories and the lessons I’ve learned on this blog. I want this to be a place where people from all over can come to for advice and what NOT to do in some scenarios.
Okay, that’s it for this blog post. It was long, but it was fun to write. I hope you guys liked it and I will post when I post next! If you guys want to see more of what I do on a more frequent basis, you can follow me on all social media (Instagram and Twitter) @dayswithdebois. Bye everyone!