As a second-semester senior in college, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting and wondering what if. At least recently that’s what I’ve been doing, and I have been noticing myself dwelling on certain mistakes that I’ve made in my past. I have learned from my mistakes. I hold myself accountable for the mistakes that I have made too. I can’t dwell on the past. I can’t dwell about the people who were once in my life, but no longer are. I can’t wonder what if when it comes to those things because simply it’s not good for my mental health.
Life is filled with good times and bad times. It’s a mixed bag, and we truly never know what is going to happen next. This pandemic is perfect proof of that. We are forced to take things day by day. In a way, it’s nice that life can be like this because it makes us become more appreciative of being in the moment and the little things in life. On the opposite end of that, it’s annoying because it adds to the many challenges in life, and it can add a lot of stress.
I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. Every moment, big or small, good or bad, happens for a reason. The optimist in me makes me believe that life works out the way it’s supposed to, and that where we are today is exactly where we are supposed to be.
I think the good moments in life help propel us through the bad times. The good moments are reminders of why we’re doing what we do, or they are little affirmations that we’re going down the right path. I don’t know, this is my opinion. I do believe that the good moments are equally as important and necessary to the bad moments in life. I believe that the bad moments are “needed” too.
When I went through a rough time in my life, I would ask why myself and the universe why I was going through it. As mentioned in previous blog posts, the pain that I’ve felt in my worst moments was so bad that I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. After reflecting and spending a good amount of time out of that headspace and funk, I am realizing how much I learned and grew from that experience. The way I approach so many things in my life is different because of that experience. I look at the world through a more mature lens now.
To this day, I hate that I went through that time. I can’t look at pictures and think about certain memories around that time because of the pain that is attached to that era. It sucks because there are some of my favorite memories in college from that time, but it’s not fun to think about when the next thought is about all of the bad feelings from that time.
As much as I hate that era, I am grateful for everything that I’ve learned. As much as I hate myself for making mistakes that led to that time, where I am today is really great. I genuinely love the person I am, and I did not like the person I was then. Back then, I wasn’t me. I wasn’t honest with myself, and I became dependent on people. I love being independent and doing my own thing. Today, I am independent, I am brutally honest with myself, and I am Kathryn DeBois. I have my strengths and I have my weaknesses. Today, I get to student teach and do something that I am so passionate about and something that brings out the best in me every single day. I have the opportunity to go to my dream school as a grad program and pursue my dream career to hopefully make a long-lasting change on this world. I am surrounded by amazing people.
If things were done differently in my past, I don’t know if I would be writing those words today. I don’t know if I would have this blog either, to be honest. Frankly, I don’t want to wonder what if in this scenario because my life is way better today than I could have ever imagined. Everything works out the way it’s supposed to. I believe I am supposed to be exactly where I am today. If you’re going through a rough time right now, just have faith that things will get better and that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. You can do it!