Life has been challenging these past few months of my life. I have gone through some amazing highs and some dark lows. It has been a rollercoaster and it is easy to be sad during the hard days. It is easy to lose hope when life continues to beat you down. I know because choosing to have hope for a brighter and happier life is something that I have to actively choose every day. I choose to remain positive during my darkest times and it isn’t always easy.
A little over 7 months ago, I hit rock bottom. I went through something so incredibly challenging that I still struggle with it to this day. Months go by, and as I was starting to rebuild myself and I was in this great spot, someone important to me passed away. That put a big roadblock into loving myself because this death is still hard for me. There are days where I sit in my room sad because I miss this person so much. A few weeks after this person passed away, the pandemic happened and my whole world flipped upside down again. It was about 3 weeks since it happened and that added another thing to be upset about.
After my school shut down, I went back home to New York and straight into quarantine. It would have been easy for me to complain and be upset about being in quarantine. I don’t get to see any of my friends, I am stuck inside my apartment, and we don’t know when this whole thing will come to an end. We are in the unknown and it is a scary thing. My biggest fear is the unknown and uncertainty. Whenever I am embarking on something that I’ve never done before, I get scared out of my mind.
This whole pandemic is scary for me and probably almost everyone who is reading this. I have decided to make to make the most out of my time in quarantine. One thing I’ve learned through all of the life that has happened to me in this era of my life is that I need to look to the silver lining. It is okay to be sad and it is okay to feel like there are weights dragging you down, and it is okay to feel that way for multiple days. I’ve had those days. They are inevitable and they are hard. On those days it is equally important to self soothe and to find the positives in life. Speaking from experience, I know it is hard. When life kicks you down, it is easy to want to stay and not get back up and fight for happiness. I choose to not stay down and fight for happiness.
I believe that there is good in every situation, no matter how negative. For example, this quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on everything that has happened to me in this past era of my life. While doing so, I have been able to open myself up feeling emotions that I didn’t understand and I am now at peace with. I am so happy that I have had the time to go through this process because I feel a lot more confident in who I am, what I want to do with my life, and my work.
For me, the best part about this quarantine is that I have had the time to do things that I am interested in and passionate about. The biggest being writing, I have written so much during quarantine. I have finished the rough draft to a book that I have dreams of publishing someday. I have written blog posts about stuff that I used to be so guarded about, and so much more. Writing is something that I do for me and I love that I have more time to devote to this. My blog has been able to grow massively since this quarantine. Before this whole thing, I had less than 200 followers on my Instagram, and now I am almost at 500 followers. I have been able to learn how to network, work with other bloggers, and how to run an effective blog but still remain true to my voice. I love that because it is a dream of mine to have this blog become bigger. I want to help people, and the more people that find this blog the likelier it is to help at least one of them. I get to work on making fun content. At school, I am busy with my life. I don’t have the time to make Tik Toks, learn new skills, and do everything else I have been able to do. This quarantine has given me the time to do that and I am so grateful because it has helped me grow as a person.
This quarantine has made me want to reach out to people who I haven’t spoken to in forever. I have reached out to more people either because of college or life in general, and it has been great hearing updates from people. Some of these people are from high school and I haven’t heard from them in years, but now that we all have the time to text and Snapchat it’s been nice to catch up with people. It has kept me grounded in a time of uncertainty. I have been to spend time with my family that I haven’t been able to because of life. It’s been great. All of this has made this big and scary world feel a lot less scary and a lot cozier. The circumstances could’ve been better, but something can always be better.
I am looking at the positives in this situation because it is easy to find the negatives. Google COVID-19 and you’ll find all of the sad stories of people losing their jobs, loved ones, homes, and so on because of this pandemic. I am not ignoring that. Instead, I am accepting that is the reality we live in and I finding a reason to smile. Whether it’s I was productive with online classwork, I made a terribly bad/funny dance, I facetimed one of my friends, I wrote something that I am excited to share, or I showered before 10 am.
This situation has taught me to be grateful for the little things. The early morning showers, hitting every greenlight on the way to the grocery store, simply being in a room with my closest friends, or even hugging my best friends who gives the best hugs (I typically hate hugs too). The next time I can be in a room with my friends, I know I am going to appreciate every moment. I don’t know when that time will be, but I know it is going to come eventually. Until then, I will text them and patiently wait.
Looking at the positives gives me hope. It makes me want to fight to get to that happier time. Simply it makes me feel good. I have been through a lot of heartache in the past year, I wouldn’t wish that heartache on anyone. The way I’ve gotten through all of the heartache is by looking to the positives. If I can’t think of a positive, I think back to my fondest memories. I remember the good times like when my friend made me a cheesecake, when someone else gave me another cheesecake, when someone told me I was a good writer, when someone called me perfect, when my favorite camper called me their favorite counselor, when someone I admire told me they considered me to be a close friend, and way more. It’s not these elaborate big life moments, it’s the tiny potentially meaningless moments that get me through these difficult times. It is the tiniest positive or slimmer of a silver lining that get me through the hard times.
I know life isn’t easy right now. I know we are all yearning for the day when we can walk outside and hug our friends that we haven’t seen in months. I know it’s easy to feel isolated and alone right now. You’re okay to feel that way, but just try to look at the positives or think of a positive memory. Soon, this will pass, and we’ll get through this, I promise.
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